Thursday, January 1, 2009

The End and a New Beginning

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin." - Grace Hansen

My Aunt Linda sent me this beautiful quote today and it really struck me. It seems to summarize what I have wanted to say these past couple days but until I read these words, written by someone else, I was unable to find my own. These few words feel auspicious for entering the new year as well as reflecting upon the past 12 months.

I have never been one to make resolutions; however, I feel as a year draws to a close it is always good practice to pause and reflect a moment on all the events that have taken place, to remember people and places that have touched our hearts and events that have shaped our souls.

This summer marked my one year anniversary in Colorado and my transition from feeling like a transplant to really being at home here. I now feel rooted, confident that I am cultivating lasting and meaningful friendships and I look forward to embracing each relationship as it grows and strengthens with time.

The fear that life will never begin is one I have considered over the years at times when I felt stuck in one way or another. If I feel stuck there is most likely some truth I do not want to face; I have allowed my fear to overpower my passion for life and throw me out of balance. It is at times like these I most fear the end of life because I do not feel I have yet embraced it as fully as I wanted or intended. My greatest fear of death lies in the unfulfilled life.

In July of this summer I had the biggest wake up call of my life when my oldest brother, Sean, died at age 39. His early death sent such an aftershock through me it was if my eyes were re-opened to the reality of my life when I’d though they’d been open the whole time. I awakened from my dream-like state of complacency, from the familiar, to an awareness of my own utter dissatisfaction with my career path.

Somewhere along the line I had become derailed from my passion in regard to my career. As a consequence I was unbearably miserable. Realizing the awareness of this misery was quite a shock to me considering how privileged I feel every day I spend living in this beautiful state so near the mountains and raw, inspiring nature. I am happy in nearly every other aspect of my life and I guess I’d told myself that should be good enough. But my brother’s death told me otherwise.

My brother sent me a message after his death; that life it too short to be ruled by fear, doubt and insecurity. Make no mistake I still encounter every one of these sensations; however, I now feel more determined than ever to never allow them to rule over me as they once did. Rather than clinging to anger, regret or sadness over losing my brother I choose to feel gratitude that through his passing he gave me a gift: the gift of a new perspective.

Life is rich, mysterious and unpredictable; it is boundless, beautiful and ever changing. As long as we remain present and conscious in our lives we are capable of accomplishing anything we can dream. My dream for the coming year is a dream of limitless possibilities. May we all embrace our greatest desires and abilities this year and in every year to come. Here is to a new year ruled by joy, wisdom, love and boundless potential.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, and your brother, for that inspiring post. It is always good to remember the really important things in life. You have a wonderful way of expressing the deeper questions of life and bringing them to the forefront of the daily do.